I think we all do it.
In fact, I know I’m not the first person to write about it.
But I believe it needs to be addressed.
For me and for you.
You know, you see her at the store. She has her kids with her as do you. You stop to chat, exchange the happenings in your life.
And then…
You start to analyze.
“She sends her kids to private school. How do they afford that?”
Not only that, but her kids were dressed pretty nice, outfits that looked crisp and clean. In her cart…you guessed it. All organic. Even the salt.
She went on to say how well her oldest was doing in basketball.
And you think to yourself, “My kid doesn’t even know how to play basketball.”
And you feel maybe ashamed as the baby has food on her shirt and the older children don’t look like they remembered to brush their hair.
And this friend has more kids than you have fingers. How does she do it and keep it together. You ‘only’ have three…
Or maybe you see your friend at the store and you think, “My does she look run down. Could she not even put a little bit of foundation on, tidy up her hair just a smidgen?”
And her kids…they are SO loud. She must not discipline them very well. I would feel so embarrassed. I’m glad that’s not me. And one always seems to be with grandma. She doesn’t even have to do it on her own very much.
But you know. Sometimes those thoughts can run through our minds.
We judge ourselves and we judge others.
We start to grade the kind of job we do as moms. We look to others as to whether we got this thing down or if we are sadly falling behind.
I will be transparent here. I have done this. I can do this if I allow myself. I will rate my current standing as a mom based on what other people are doing.
And you know what? To think that we are doing it right or wrong based on what another family is doing is wrong.
My husband often tells me it must be hard as I don’t get a yearly evaluation.
And he’s right. He meets with his boss at least once a year. He’s shown what improvements to make, what areas to grow in and what he needs to work on. But he’s also shown what he is doing right. The areas he has grown from the last year. And it’s good. It’s good to have that talk with the boss and be real.
But we moms. I would say our ‘job’ is more important than any occupation we could be hired for. We have lives entrusted into our care. Little souls that look to us for guidance, love, understanding, encouragement and care. The future of the world is literally in our hands.
And so we go, day by day taking care of them. As babies, we fed them every two or three hours night and day providing nourishment for their little bodies. We changed their diapers, washed their clothes, rocked and rocked away the belly aches and comforted them through teething.
We bandage scrapes, make countless meals and snacks, plan birthday parties, take them to events, read them books.
We wipe away tears, we lovingly discipline them when they fall short, we point them towards truth. We do the best we can to help them understand life as they know it, whatever age and stage they may be at.
And we really give it our all. We make mistakes, but we do our best. Because we love them more than we ever thought we could.
Some home school, some send their child to public school, some to private. Some eat organic and cook meals at home while others order out a lot or pop in a frozen pizza. Some kids are in every sport available while others haven’t played even one. Some have top of the line clothing while others use what friends and family have passed along to them. Some moms work and some moms stay at home. It’s easy to form conclusions about each other and ourselves.
But that’s not our job.
Our job is to ask God what He wants for our family.
He is the one who knows us best.
He knows our situation.
He knows our family.
He knows our children.
He knows the plans for our lives.
We don’t have to look like the people next door. We don’t have to do life like them. We only need to do and live as God has lovingly and kindly shown us for our own family.
Isn’t this refreshing, this great truth?
We only need to please the Creator of the Universe. Only Him. Not our aunts, moms, cousins, friends, or sisters. And there’s no reason we even need to explain or defend why we do what we do, because we don’t have to please people.
It’s really rather simple.
Why don’t we just go to God? Ask God what He wants for our family?
What is His vision for the way He calls us to live?
We have a great promise that if we come and ask Him for wisdom, He will show us (James 1:5).
This, my friends is the great truth! The truth that sets us free!
We as mothers can walk boldly and confidently each day as we raise our families if we only ask our God and then live it out.
And how refreshing it can be when we meet with mothers to genuinely listen to them and the update of their family and not take any other thoughts into consideration?
Instead we can be happy for them when things are happy. We can ask them if we can pray for them in any way and genuinely look in their eyes with love and care. We can be sad with them when they go through struggles. We can just be a friend and care, whatever they are going through.
This mom thing we do isn’t for the weak. It’s a high and holy calling. But if you have children, God has given you the ability to do it.
And we don’t get yearly evaluations. But even better, we can have daily conversations with our Father and ask Him His plans for our family. We can share our hearts. One to one and really lay it out there. We can seek forgiveness for our shortcomings but we can walk away knowing that Jesus lives inside of us. What great power within us who we believe. We can carry the great task before us in faith, joy and confidence because He is the one we aim to please.
So the next time you talk to another mom and ask how she is, why not listen without thinking about the kind of mom she is. Or the kind of mom you are. Listen, really listen to her. Encourage her. Love her, even pray for her. We need each other and I believe if we come alongside even if we do things differently, we can make the journey a little bit easier.
Written by Jaimie
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