Most of my life, I felt like the outsider.
I went to a new school in first grade. I felt like I didn’t belong because I didn’t start kindergarten there. I attended this school until tenth grade and carried this thought with me for those nine years.
In college, I transferred to a new school in the middle of my freshman year. Again, I felt like I didn’t belong because I didn’t start when everyone else did.
Many times I often felt like I couldn’t do things because I wasn’t ‘good enough’, didn’t look a certain way, wasn’t smart enough or popular and fun.
Doesn’t sound like a very fun way to live does it?
What I didn’t know at that time was that thinking and your thoughts totally have a great significance and impact on your life.
I didn’t fully realize this until I decided I would not consent to another surgery to give birth to my fourth child.
Months before I found myself expecting, I started to think about my thoughts. I started catching my thoughts as I spent time in the Word of God. I read things like, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us,” Romans 8:37. It didn’t say anything about me being a certain way to conquer that hard stuff. It didn’t really focus on me. It was focusing on Him. That through Him, I can conquer in “all these things.”
Wow. Super refreshing to my heart!
“For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He holds success in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones.” Proverbs 2:6-8
Again, I thought to myself…He holds success in store for me? Oh wait, you say, it doesn’t say me it say the upright.
Am I upright? Could I even think to call myself that?
Well, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am new, I am free. I am redeemed from my past and because of His righteousness, I too can call myself upright.
I began to realize who I was in Him. I began to know my identity. I began to know who I really was.
And so when I began that path, that hard road towards a VBAC…many people questioned me. I questioned me. Could I do it? Was I strong enough? Was I capable? What if they said was true? That what I was doing was ridiculous or unsafe (this is a whole different topic that I plan to discuss)?
I had to continually stop my thoughts from running wild. And not just my thoughts. But the thoughts that crept in from the words of others.
In labor, when I was fully dilated and ready to push, through the pain I initially thought, “I am not one of those women. I have never dilated to 10 centimeters before.” I was almost in disbelief of the doctor’s words.
But I stopped my thoughts. I didn’t allow my brain to get fixed on words that weren’t true.
I decided to fix my mind on God’s thoughts. On Christ’s words.
That with Him, I AM more than a conqueror. That through Christ, I CAN do ALL things. That NOTHING was too hard for the Lord.
And I still practice this to this day and I can truthfully say with all my heart, my thoughts have changed the course of my life. My thoughts have changed the way I handle adversity. My thoughts have changed the way I handle stress. My thoughts have changed the way I carry myself. My thoughts have changed the way I am able to be outgoing with others because I realize it’s not all about ME. Thank goodness!
So to you who read, I challenge myself and I challenge you…what are you thinking about? What are you setting your mind on? Do you realize who you are in Christ? That you have been purchased, bought with a price and are free, completely free in Him? When we think on His truths, all fear, all worries fall away. And we can be who He created us to be and walk in a new way.
Let us not believe even the littlest lies that come into our minds. Let us realize our thoughts are important. And powerful.
“Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.”
Proverbs 4:23 NCV
