Picking Up The Pen – I’ve Got Something To Say


To Those Who Have Followed Me:

I have had to take a break with writing. To be quite honest, I had to close my pages for awhile. I realize as more people read what you write, and when you right things that are controversial not all people will agree with you. They may even have things that are not nice to say to you.  That was beginning to happen to me. With raising a family, starting my doula practice, and making my first priority to spend time with the Lord, I couldn’t properly address the critics. I wasn’t ready in my heart to face it.

So, I chose to walk away. To walk away not knowing if I could ever come back to writing, to sharing. And being okay with it.

And I chose to take almost two months of fasting and praying. In a way I have never experienced in my life. I took the times I would normally take to write and ask some hard, serious questions to God. And I waited in expectation for His answers.

So, here I am to share with you today some of the things the Lord told me. I believe it was for me, and I also believe some of it can be for you.

If You Don’t Understand, Just Ask.

So…God. You know God? He’s really great. He’s better than we know. And the Word says, He is our Father.

 “For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.  For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father! Romans 8:14-15

So, I decided I would start asking my Father some tough questions. Things that I have wondered about for a LONG time, and have just walked along quoting promises, but not seeing the results. I decided I would boldly go to the throne and just…ask. And I mean ask specific questions. “Why isn’t THIS happening?”  “Why did you make me like THIS?” “Why in the Church does THIS happen and why not THIS?” “What do you want me to do about THIS?”

I asked him the hard questions. Sometimes in tears out of frustration and anger. Sometimes I received an answer when I asked. Other times I received the answer days later. But He has been faithful and loving to answer my questions. I am learning how much He loves me and instead of spinning the wheels in my head, asking other people, trying to figure it out all on my own…I am starting to ASK the whys. And it has been so refreshing.

They Can’t Take Away What They Don’t Give You

Feeling truly loved and validated, and valuable in this life can only come from one person – my heavenly Father. That’s it. Not friends, experiences, family, my children, my roles, my husband. Only God. Which is so freeing. Because no one loves like God. And His love is great, so high and so deep and so wide. Why would I ever want to be validated by anyone other than Him?

And secondly (and I like this a lot), when someone doesn’t like or love me, it’s totally OK! When they have something bad to say about me, it’s OK! Because I don’t look to them for validation. I don’t look to anyone else to make me feel good, be happy, to feel loved. I look to God. They can’t take this love away from me. Because they didn’t give it to me in the first place. He did. So, I can walk in love, I can be kind, I can say “I love you,” to those who don’t love me. And it’s really, OK.

I Can Truly Be “Unoffendable”

I posted this question awhile back on Facebook asking if we can really be ‘unoffendable.’ I got a lot of various answers, but most thought that no, we can’t be and we weren’t made to me. Here’s the thing, when we aren’t about US, we don’t have to get upset or take offense. It kind of goes with that I shared above. We can walk in freedom, we can walk with joy. We don’t have to get hurt, upset or live in fear because we know and have the Love of God. This is refreshing. If you want to talk more about it, I would be happy to anytime! Seriously, leave a comment and we will take it from there.

The Church Isn’t As It Should Be

Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be writtenJohn 21:25

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. John 14:12

This isn’t happening. I don’t need to be a brain scientist to see this or understand this. In the Church at large, we aren’t seeing what the verse states above.

So, I asked my Father.

I believe He impressed upon my heart, that we as followers of Christ have become religious. We have become committed to being at church when the doors are open, following the rules of our religion, but we have not passionately pursued knowing Him. We are in a flurry of life, racing and running to and fro. We choose not to sit down and be quiet with Him. We. Don’t. Have. Time.

And it’s costing us. Chains aren’t being broken, lives aren’t being saved, people who are lost are still…lost. This is a real and serious problem. However, the answer is simple. Seek Him! Be with Him. Want it more than anything in your entire life. That’s powerful to think about. Are most of us ‘wanting Him more than ANYTHING?’ If we aren’t, we should be.

I have honestly loved kissing food goodbye here and there. I have loved putting my phone on silent. I have really loved not having so much noise. And being intentional with ANY snippets of time I have had. Because, I have heard my Father’s voice and that’s the only voice I need to hear.

So, where do we go from here?

I am writing as I feel led. I realized how much I loved writing. How much I have enjoyed encouraging those who read these words. And I will share as the Lord leads. He has been so faithful to me. And He’s faithful to you. So what questions do you have on your mind about your life? Things that you want to see happening, but don’t? Oh, no I am not looking for your question. I don’t have the answers, anyways. But He does. Go ahead… ask Him.



Birth can be many things, why not believe it can be beautiful?

Follow Us